A house divided: Are we being slaves to the screen? Let’s set some healthy boundaries for ourself and for our kids.
Now to be clear, technology would include, but not be limited to:
Phones, iPads/tablets, video games, TV, iPod/smart watch/any pocket devices, and anything else they invent between now and the time this published. Having said that, for this specific article “phones” are what we’ll be referring to specifically, but the principles are the same all across the board.
I also want to preface this by saying we are the example. A lot of us grew up in the generation of parents who led with “do as I say, not as I do”. I think it’s fair to say that didn’t work for most of us, so no point in repeating past mistakes. Now before you turn off your phone and say nope, not limiting my phone time just because my kid needs to, hear me out.
This gives us a chance to shape our own character in the area of discipline. If we expect our kids to exercise self control, shouldn’t we also be able to exercise that same self control?
A house divided: Are we being slaves to the screen? Let’s set some healthy boundaries for ourself and for our kids.
Set Time Limits
First and foremost, our kids need to understand that screen tie is a privilege not a right. It’s not something that’s a free for all, but rather something that can be earned. Start out by setting a certain amount of time each day after chores and school are complete. For Glori, she gets 30 minutes each day for fun screen time. There’s a couples school subjects that require screen time which we obviously don’t count into her earned time.
This allows extra screen time to be earned at the parents’ discretion. Each parent gets to decide how much and when. There’s no one saying that if you give your kid more than an hour on the screen that you’re a bad parent, but it’s your choice, not your child’s.
Another thing to keep in mind with time limits is that each person has a different level of time per day that would be appropriate for them. As parents, it’s wise to set our own time limits and share that with our children.
Setting limits should be looked at as a normal thing that we all do, not as a punishment just for our kids. Short term the goal is absolutely to prevent them from spending all day every day in front of the iPad, but long term we’re teaching them that setting healthy boundaries is something they GET to do in order to live a fulfilled life, not a burden they have to put up with until they turn 18 and can throw caution to the wind.
My daughter knows that I let myself have an hour of screen time each night to scroll or watch a tv show. In addition to that hour though, I spend 3-5 hours per day on my screen because I make a living on social media. Me spending six hours a day online does not mean she needs to because we’re using it for different purposes.
Set Boundaries
0In addition to time limits, we need to set boundaries around when that time may be used. We can divide that up into mornings, family time, and evenings. This is what it looks like for my family, use the outline to set your own boundaries for yours.
Mornings
Do I grab my phone before I talk to Jesus? What kind of message is that sending to my kid? Just a thought…
For me, I have a rule that there’s no social media before my devotions. Part of that is for my own sanity, but a bigger part of that is because I want my daughter to know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus has priority over Tik Tok in our house.
I don’t have a no screen time rule before my devotions because I like to work out first thing, and I use my phone to listen to music or a podcast while I’m working out, but I do have a no screen rule UNLESS I’m working out that day. I apply that same concept with Glori. She’s not allowed to watch fot the first several hours of her day, but she can absolutely listen to an audio while she does crafts or plays.
Our mornings determine our attitude for the rest of the day, so probably not a great idea to let social media dictate our tone for the next 12-16 hours anyways.
Family Time
For us this includes family dinners as well as family trips, but here’s where the exceptions come in. As I mentioned, I make a living from social media and part of my job includes vlogging and content creation. This requires me to snap a few pictures while we’re out. To make it fair, my daughter also gets to take a few pictures. One day her pictures will be used on our socials and other marketing platforms, but for now they mainly go to the delete folder or a folder on her tablet where she’s learning how to do small edits.
This requires a lot of discipline on my end because it’s very tempting to check a blog post or return an email when I have my phone out. The rule however is snap a few pics and that’s it, no email, no apps, and no social media.
You ever see a family out together and all of them (kids included) have their heads buried in devices? Yeah, let’s try to avoid that trap. It’s easy to check off the box of family time when in reality we were all in our own worlds and didn’t spend any quality time together.
Evenings
The two big things for evenings is just being off your phone an hour or so before bed, so your brain has time to wind down, and then not bringing your phone into bed with you.
Inhibitions are automatically lowered when we get tired, so for adults, not bringing our phones to bed is mainly so we don’t get lost in the scroll and then realize it’s all of a sudden midnight. For kids, specifically teenagers, it’s to keep them out of far worse trouble. Remember how I said each family has their own rules, well this one is universal.
Other resources to help with responsible screen time choices
